Monthly Archive for May, 2009

Don’t Say “Domo Arigatou” Because It Makes You Sound Like You’re Mentally Deficient: Styx Lied To You Because They Are Terrible Lying Liars

So I have mentioned previously that I visited Osaka for a few days at the tail end of the extended vacation I took back immediately after my teaching gig was over and done with. One of the things I did while I was in Osaka was attend Punkfest ‘09, a two-day concert featuring a number of prominent American alternative bands—Bad Religion, Less Than Jake, NOFX, Mindless Self Indulgence, Rise Against, and then some others I didn’t care about—and even a few totally swee Japanese ones—most notably Oreskaband, who put on what may be the best live show I have ever seen, ever.

It was interesting to observe the way the American bands carried themselves in front of a foreign audience. In more than a few cases the bands kind of acted like dicks: antagonizing people in the crowd, American-style swagger and grandstanding, excessive and asinine onstage banter along the lines of “we should really stop doing so much onstage banter because no one here can understand what we’re saying tee hee,” that kind of stuff. NOFX were especially bad, and even threw in a few jokes about kamikazes and atom bombs, which I guess isn’t that surprising. Bad Religion, Rise Against, and Madina Lake (who I’d never heard of before) were all pretty cool and played the part of gracious guests. That spoke well of them; the Japanese like humility.

Anyways, one thing I did notice was that the lead singers from almost all of the American acts at Punkspring began their sets with the phrase “Doumo arigatou Osaka!” I guess most people in the United States think “doumo arigatou” is how to say “thank you” in Japanese; I know that’s what I thought back before my stint as an ALT. But this was a strange phrase to hear after seven months in Japan, because that’s not actually how people say “thank you” in Japan.

In English, the standard terms for thanking people are modular. We start with the mother of them all, the phrase “thank you very much,” which we use when we feel strong gratitude. When we feel a smaller amount of gratitude we say “thank you” or “thanks” as a more formal, less emphatic form of expressing what is essentially the same sentiment.

Japanese is the same way. You start with the base phrase “doumo arigatou gozaimasu,” which is equivalent to “thank you very much.” For more informal situations—your server brings you your food, for example, or one of your students tells you they like your tie—you say “arigatou gozaimasu,” which is the most commonly used “thank you” phrase in day-to-day life. “Doumo” or “arigatou” can be used by themselves as even less formal substitutes if you are cultivating an air of jaded detachment, but you will never, ever hear a Japanese person use the phrase “doumo arigatou.” That just doesn’t happen. I admit that I do not know enough about the etymology of the Japanese language to explain what each of these words mean on their own: like many phrases I learned in Japan, I know when to use them but not exactly what they mean. My understanding, though, is that saying “domo arigatou” is along the same lines as an English-speaker saying “Thank you very.” Yeah, I know Styx sang that one song with the line “Doumo arigatou Mr. Roboto,” but it’s never a good idea to base your knowledge of the world on shitty corporate rock from the 1970’s.

As a final aside, it’s worth noting that after Mindless Self Indulgence’s set, the drummer—a somewhat-chubby woman with pigtails—grabbed the microphone from the lead singer and said, “Doumo arigatou gozaimashita!” which not only is the correct phrasing but is even in the past tense to indicate that she is thanking them for being a good audience. I was impressed, especially since MSI was arguably the least cerebral of all the bands playing that day.


New Photos: Sapporo Snow Festival

I’m in the process of working through all the remaining material from my time in Japan: pictures, videos, amusing anecdotes, and all the rest. Towards that end, photos from my trip to Sapporo for the Snow Festival there can be found on my Picasa page. Or you can just look at the bottom of this entry and use the super high-tech embedded slide show action instead, if that’s more your speed. The pictures are pretty bangin’, I must say.

Tips for Future (And Current, I Guess) Assistant Language Teachers in Japanese High Schools (May Apply to Other Locations and Education Levels, But Milage May Vary)

Social Aspects

  1. Determine how comfortable you are with lying to your students. Your relationship with your students will be built on them asking and being asked simple questions such as “What is your favorite musical group?”  Now, maybe your favorite band is Neutral Milk Hotel—and why shouldn’t it be?  However, the person who asked you the question has no idea what the fuck a Neutral Milk Hotel is, and you aren’t going to be able to explain it to them.  Your answer will be met with blank stares and disappointment.  Conversely, if you answer “Green Day,” or “Avril Lavigne,” or even “Nirvana,” suddenly the person who asked you this will get excited and say, “Oh, me too me too me too!”  You have just established a rapport.  You can definitely make the case that this is a disingenuous, Machiavellian way to live—and you are well within your rights to decide that you don’t want to lie to your students under any circumstances.  But given the limitations on your ability to communicate, it is also a very effective way to ingratiate yourself to the people whose continued goodwill you rely on.
  2. This is prison rules. Since your job description is quite poorly defined and subject to the whims of the Japanese teachers you work with, it’s important to establish expectations early on.  If you want to go to clubs after school and hang out, do it as early as possible.  Don’t arrive super early or stay late on your first day.  With such a poorly defined position, the expectations of those monitoring you will be formed in large part by your own actions.  You want to ease into certain things, but do everything you can to establish your identity and “character” quickly before you get stuck doing things you don’t want to do.
  3. If you do not have the ability already, learn to snap your fingers, moon walk, and do that thing where you put your fingers in your mouth and whistle really loudly. Many of your students, especially the younger ones, will have never seen someone do these things and will thus be very impressed.
  4. Buy some weird ties from someplace like CyberOptix or similar. It is not easy to establish your identity as the cool teacher through words since very few of the kids you are teaching can understand what you are saying, you need to establish a persona through nonverbal methods.  Oddball ties are a great way to do further this goal, assuming you are a dude… or a lady who is inclined to incorporate ties into her daily ensembles.
  5. Set your hipster street cred on fire. Japanese high schoolers love American music.  More specifically, they love the kind of American music that no self-respecting, tight-pants-wearing “Pitchfork Media” enthusiast would ever listen to even under penalty of death, but you’d have to be stoned or stupid to think that you are somehow earning any points with your students by giving them a bunch of obscure German synth-pop bands no one’s ever heard of when they ask you what kind of music you like.  Additionally, none of the bands whose CDs made your “Top Ten” list this year will have any songs you can sing at karaoke, so stop being a pretentious dick, have another beer, and sing “Wonderwall” already.
  6. Don’t like sports?  You do now.
  7. Incidentally, your new favorite baseball team is either the New York Yankees or the Boston Red Sox. Those are the only two American baseball teams your students have heard of because those two teams have popular Japanese players on them.
  8. Learn to sing “Linda Linda” by the Blue Hearts. It is a great sing-along sort of tune that is well known by almost everyone in Japan, perfect for breaking out at karaoke while in the company of Japanese people—be they your coworkers or just some people you met on the street—who will be thoroughly impressed by your performance.  Luckily, the chorus is pretty easy to remember.  It goes “Linda Linda, Linda Linda Linda, Linda Linda, Linda Linda Linda.”  Think you can manage that?
  9. No one in Japan has ever heard of the pillows or “Cowboy Bebop.” If you have made it to Japan, you have probably watched and enjoyed Cowboy Bebop and downloaded the entire pillows discography after hearing their music in FLCL, and are excited to be in the land that created both of these things.  That’s fine; they are both quality works, and anyone who gives you shit about being a fanboy or whatever is a bad person who doesn’t believe in intellectual curiosity.  If a Japanese person asks you your favorite Japanese band, you will want to say “the pillows.”  This is only natural.  But that person will almost never know what the hell you are talking about.
  10. No one will understand any of your jokes. You’re probably a very hilarious person back home, but the rules of humor changed while you were in the air over the Pacific Ocean.  In the context of your daily life, humor consists entirely of sight gags and references to Japanese pop culture.
  11. Eat lots of Japanese food. Besides the fact that Japanese food is often delicious, “What are your favorite Japanese foods?” will almost always be the first question anyone in Japan asks you.
  12. Figure out your blood type. Offhand you probably have no idea what your blood type is, but blood types are a Thing in Japan.  Your blood type is believed to say something about your personality, like your astrological sign or the results of a Rorschach test.  Your students will want to know what your blood type is, and you run the risk of sounding like a dweeb if you can’t answer them when they ask you.  Not knowing yours is an excellent excuse to give blood, which is a thing that you should be doing anyway.

You aren’t afraid of a little text now, are you? Keep reading for professional tips and things to keep in mind.