Will Work For Cash Money

These are the services I provide.

By now you’ve probably read through at least a couple of the articles on “Worse Than Coleslaw.”  You’ve chortled at the anecdotes of life in Japan, thrilled at the tales of adventure and intrigue, and wept openly from exposure to so much existential angst.  You’ve probably thought to yourself, “This fellow is exactly the sort of person I need to produce my world class written content of the Future.”  That works out well, actually, because it so happens that I am currently looking for worthwhile causes to attach myself to.

Let it be known that I am a “can do” kind of person.  Observe:

  1. I can write copy of spectacular quality for your website, company brochure, corporate newsletter, or any other word-based medium. I have been writing for print since I was an adolescent, my first byline being in Stone Soup magazine at age 12.  I am prepared to bring the full force of my experience with the written word to bear on the assignment you give me.  Oddly enough, my airy, conversational writing tone is a big hit with investors.
  2. I can edit your existing materials to meet a higher standard of quality, and also to be more fun to read. I have spent quite a long time grading papers for tenured professors at the local community college who get paid too much to do that job themselves.  As a result, I have a keen eye for the nuances of the English language.  Sometimes I see comma splices in my dreams.
  3. I can design and edit your presentations, mailings, and newsletters to ensure that they crackle and pop with wit while remaining on message and conveying the correct information in the most efficient way possible. Your promotional literature is important to the success of whatever organization you represent.  Make sure it accomplishes what it is supposed to accomplish.
  4. I can ghostwrite articles, blog entries, speeches, or whatever else. Seriously, just imagine an article written by me with your name at the top.  I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.
  5. I can utilize web-based social networks to unleash your message on an unsuspecting global audience. I’ve heard this process referred to by a number of different names, usually either “social media consulting” or “community management.”  Whatever that service is called, I am awesome at it.

If any of the above services sound like something you might be in need of, or if you have any other employment-related opportunities you would like me to be aware of, please e-mail me at misterblithe(AT)gmail(DOT)com.  I just know we’ll be bestest, bestest buddies.